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As a teenager, I had the dumbest dad on the planet.
He was always quick to offer advice that, without fail, made absolutely no sense
for a youngster living in the modern world. After all, he wasn't "up"
on the latest gadgets, the latest music, the latest fads or anything else that interested
my generation.
Dad had this strange notion that nothing in life came easy and that shortcuts
were few and fickle. He believed that while a formal education was well and
good, it was only truly useful if it was combined with experience and common
sense. His mantra: Even though there is no substitute for experience, the
experience doesn't have to be your own - you can and should learn from the
mistakes of others. At 16, I just couldn't understand why he spoke such
foolishness!
Dad always said that one must work hard in order to be successful in life, and
that we should be thankful for what we had and work hard to do better. He even
thought it was more important for us kids to work in the garden or around the
house than spend all of our free time hanging out with our friends and blowing
what little money we had earned the week before.
And don't even think about borrowing money! According to dad, going into debt
should be done wisely and very rarely. It was much better to "save up"
and buy later with cash. Now what sense did that make when I was living in a
modern world with lots of things to enjoy spending money on? Instant
gratification was a concept that was completely foreign to dad! He said that
people who took shortcuts and tried to live above their means would come to
regret it some day.
Yes, dad had plenty of advice to give - advice that was guaranteed to help us
kids live a better and longer life if we would just take heed of it. But I
didn't fall for it, no sir! After all, dad wasn't rich. He didn't drive a new
car or live in a big fancy house. He didn't take expensive vacations or own lots
of "toys" like boats and RV's and such. No, dad was really just a
simple man living a simple life. Why on earth should I or anyone else place much
value on his advice?
But as I grew older and began to gain some experience of my own (i.e. made my
own mistakes), I was troubled by the fact that some of dad's ludicrous
predictions were coming true. Not that they were valid mind you - I had simply
run into some bad luck... Dad's advice was still dumb - by sheer coincidence it
simply happened to appear that it wasn't...
I grew older still, ever gaining even more and more valuable experience (i.e.
making more and more mistakes). After a while, it finally hit me...dad had been
right all along. It was me who had really been the dumb one.
Looking back, I can clearly see that my dad was actually one of the smartest and
wisest men I have ever known. He had given me all of that advice out of love,
not out of resentment or because of a desire to hold me back. He simply wanted
me to have a better life than he had. He wanted me to be able to skip the pain
and disappointments that he had had to endure ever since he quit school after the 6th grade.
In short, dad desperately wanted me to learn from his mistakes so that I
wouldn't have to suffer the consequences of making my own. But I didn't listen -
I thought I knew it all when in reality I knew very little. I thought dad was
dumb and misguided when in reality he was highly intelligent and very wise.
Somehow as the years rolled by we gradually swapped places. I'm ashamed to admit
it, but my
"know-it-all" attitude and his silly admonishments eventually turned
into a deep regret that I had failed to take advantage of what he had to offer -
sage advice for his child, given in love.
I miss dad a lot and think of him often, and even though it pains me to think
about how much better my life could have been if I had listened to him, I can't
help but smile and feel richly blessed when I reminisce about his life and
legacy of love...and take pride in the fact that my dad was one smart man!
In memory of Paul Rouse.
(1918-2000)
Note: Although it isn't the highest quality, today's photo is one of my
favorite pictures of dad. He loved to tend his garden and watch things grow. I
used to tell him that Kroger had the best garden around. I guess he was right
and I was wrong there too...
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